honeysuckle pickle bear

yup, you heard me.

honey suckle (you know… the flowering branch… in the caprifoliaceae family), then pickle (yes, the food i thoroughly despised until a very recent miraculous experience), and then bear (big brown thing… hairy… likes food).

that’s the name of a brand new climbing route in joshua tree, where there are well over 8,000 routes already.  it resides in a secret location that i am not yet allowed to reveal.  the route was named yesterday (yes, you are getting live coverage… don’t tell anyone i told you) by a badass and burly man named kelly, as he watched todd gordon, a renowned climber and new route activist in joshua tree, do the first official lead climb ascent.  why honeysuckle pickle bear, you ask? 

beats me.

beats the other 4 climbers who were there. 

apparently kelly had a stroke of genius, or divine intervention, and screamed out “honey suckle pickle bear!!” as todd was clinging to the rock halfway up.  no one knows why he said it, or what it means, but it certainly generated an ensuing slew of rude comments regarding pickles and bare things (etc) to heckle todd as he wrestled the wall.  and when it came time to determine what the name of the new route would be, there was unanimous agreement that HSPB must be it.

   

for many years todd held the record for putting up the most new routes in joshua tree national park, although i think recently, after he married, had three kids, and started teaching kindergarten, he’s been surpassed by younger climbers who can afford to spend more than just one day a week climbing in JT.  regardless, he is a legend around here, and in the climbing world in general, where he has done over 1,000 first ascents across the world, and is also known as the first climber ever to do 100 routes in a single day.  in fact, he is writing the new guide book to joshua tree right now.

you can imagine how surprised i was to get a voicemail two weeks ago, “hey alley!  this is todd gordon…”  a scratchy, awkwardly shy but friendly, rambling voice continued on about how he learned i was new to the area and would be excited to take me out with his group of climbers on sundays.

pretty wild.

i feel like i’ve had insane luck since i’ve been here, falling into so many opportunities that i didn’t earn… but this was certainly too good to be true.  and slightly terrifying.  climbers frequently have a reputation for being all sorts of crazy, or living extreme lifestyles, especially some really accomplished ones.  would he be an asshole?  total creep?  live inside a cliff, drinking rattlesnake urine? 

well… learning that he taught kindergarten, i took a gamble against all three.

turns out he is a wildly gregarious and unassuming guy, eyes lit up and an animated smile ear to ear, scampering around with his white socked-toes poking out the frayed holes in his shoes.  he’s a total goofball with an enormous heart, rumor is that he turned his house into a hotel for homeless climbers, or really anybody that needed a place to crash.  he’s always been the guy who helps everybody else out, even people he’s never met, and even (especially) when he has nothing.  now he’s in his mid-50s, has a wife and three young boys who he loves, and after two sundays in a row with him, i feel like i already trust him like a long-time friend. 

i spent last sunday morning climbing with him and his buddy norm, who was visiting from out of town, along with norm’s son.   not his normal ragtag crew, but we strung together some awesome, rarely-climbed routes, including a tough one called Norm (yes, discovered by todd and named after the norm we were with).  for a number of years since they were boys, norm and todd were partners-in-crime as they told their parents they were going “hiking” for a night, and four days later would show up back home with a camera full of pictures documenting them dangling from cliffs god knows where.  they used to camp in yosemite, climb all day, and when groups of tourists would pass by, they’d purposely take 20ft falls, screaming wildly, just to watch the visitors shriek with terror.

yesterday we headed out to climb all day with his normal crew, and that’s when Honeysuckle Pickle Bear happened.  so did Lost in the Maze, and Uncle Balzac (yes, believe it or not, named after a character on one of his kid’s TV cartoons), and another wide crack route that has yet to be named.  all these routes are considered “previously unrecorded”, so, to say the least, it was an epic day!  for me, who is still getting used to outdoor climbing in general, it is absolutely un-real to be out with these guys, hearing their wild stories, and letting them send me up on routes i’d never touch otherwise.  and routes that no one has ever seen! 

i never expected to be so lucky.  one thing i’ve noticed here, more than anywhere else i’ve lived, is that as soon as people find out you live here, you are immediately, and without judgement, part of the family.  i went to grab a kombucha at ricochet, a hole in the wall vintage clothing store that has two barstools, and sells homemade organic date shakes and ginger chai alongside cowboy boots and homespun kitchen aprons.  the woman at the old register asked where i was from.  upon telling them i just moved here, immediately her face lit up, and she said “come on back!”  and brought me around into the 5’ x 5’ kitchen to introduce me to the other three guys working there, and tell them my story. 

it was no different with todd.  he was so excited when i originally talked to him on the phone, and eagerly welcomed me in (even offering help with non-climbing things, like tips on which grocery store to use or rides to the airport) without ever having met me.  when we climb, he can’t wait to watch everyone else on the routes, and he’s been snapping pictures left & right, like a proud parent, sending them to me ASAP when he gets home, and thanking me (thanking me??) for a great day.  his group of friends are equally wild but wonderful.  some of these guys, forget about fame or notoriety, have just spent more days on a rock wall, climbing routes, than almost anyone.  one of them lived in a cave for 5 years (literally), and has essentially never done anything else in his life aside from climb.  he’s never been to a dentist, but he’s scaled el capitan at least 30 times and been on the cover of climbing magazine “mmmm, just twice”  he says shyly.   yet he couldn’t care less what the world thinks about him.  with all of them, it’s not about ego, it about loving being out in the park, hanging out, telling stories, the allure of a route, the adrenaline, and the thrill of true discovery every time.  they say you learn best from climbing with people well above your difficulty, and it’s obviously right on.  but what i’m loving far more, regardless of whether i get any better, is the approach and the attitude, and the way this sport brings you together with yourself and others in such a profound way.

i’ve never experienced anything that compares to the rush i get from being out there on the rock.  it requires so much focus, and so much thought, and so much feel.  the ways you intimately connect with your brain, your body, the rock itself, and the other human at the ground who holds your life, i guess literally, in their hands… is un-freaking-believable. 

and it doesn’t hurt to turn around and look out at an absurdly beautiful landscape either…